You will find my professional learnings and thoughts shared on StartupsClub and here you will get lessons through my personal journey… So, I want to share something that has haunted me for sometime now. Since my separation, I have played a fearless role of a mother and a father to my 3 kids, now when they have reached their adult lives, they look for a mother’s love, the nurturer, the care taker and the gatherer in someone else.
Why do we have to cook for the child, be the housekeeping support, person with an apron to come back to?
The more I thought about it, I realised, it is nothing to do with being a mother, it is nothing to do with the fact that mothers are expected to have the apron on at all times. It is not even a mother – child issues. The issue here is larger than just a mother figure. the issue here is about “Evolution of a Society” & the question is “Have we even changed a bit from the decade old belief system of what women are suppose to be doing?”
I believe that the belief system is fucked up in full. We were better off when we were at a time when men dominated the society, women were expected to be behind pardah, be the care takers and not raise their voice, be responsible for the everyone’s happiness and comfort at home, live a life of little and not demand more. At least, the society was behaving in exactly the same manner that they believed in and showed it out as.
These days, the society is fucked up, because, deep within, those old age beliefs is what we hold strong, we want the women in your life to be doing exactly those things as their grand father / mothers expected but then to put up a show, a face to this modernised, outspoken, social media driven world, they talk about women empowerment, working mothers, equality for women at work and play, respect for their voice, choice and decisions. Because these same people need to be seen as the civilisation of today. They have a say in everything great that they stand for. So, they are one of the great individuals, educated and a person with great values for today and the future.
But, let us step into their private lives, their candid existences, their dark nights, the times when they shed this worldly skin aside to be their true self and then you see that side of them (men & women). The side that goes centuries back for the women around. The side that says, take care of me, take the brunt of my short comings, take my shit on to you and make me feel good for all the wrongs that I have done or been through.
This is why, we still get to hear about:
- Domestic Abuse
- Rape within families
- Less women in senior jobs
- Less pay for women
- Dowry killing
- Honour killing
- Acid attacks
- Child marriage
- Extra marital affairs
- So many more…
These incidents when it happens, its not done because of some bad moment or something the victim did, it is purely because, it was during this moment, the person doing it, was being true to their inner most belief system.
I have been there, in the darkest of people’s sides and I am here to, at the front line of people’s worldly presence, so I know the two sides of the society. I am that person, the woman, who spent half her life, seeing the dark side of everyone around…